bAo HuI

hmmx, gosh…! my bday. maybe i shouldnt have gone to school? my class mates ar? so evil sia.. hmmx so sad, that day got E device test. so have to go school no matter wad. sigh! wads more it’s the first lesson of the day got no chance to run away.. the test was rather difficult for mi sia, dunno will pass ma also. hope my bday luck will play abit of help =)

anyway i tried to get pass my class ppl? and i managed to get away from my clicks who were at the canteen? but was being caught by my chair person, personally. damn. he escorted mi back to the LT, holding my hands like a little girl who he’s afraid will run away. LOL! then outside the LT? he did the most embarrassing thing to me. he TAPED my hands and legs together with the tape MADE FROM MALAYSIA!!! haha. he had a hard time trying to tear it open. he is thankful to have the help from sri vinita pricilla laurent nicholas.

they made mi jumped into the LT, refused to let mi sit where i used to sit(middle right hand side of the LT), instead he or THEY made mi sit in the middle of the LT. middle row, middle section, middle sit. so Attract Attention(A.A) sia ? saw the wind mail? if i din get the spelling wrong. gosh.. they stuff at the back, between my clothes and jacket man! try to spot the small ribbion on my head? it’s me who’s the present to myself. funny hor?  

all my phoos in the LT. just as though i was being kidnapped? and wrapped like a present? worst still, they tied a ribbion on my head as though it was a veil( i was the ‘trying to run away bride’?)?  wrapped my legs like mummy? wrapped my shoulders and neck as though i’m in a winter land?

They made mi sat thru DR. ravi’s lesson. well, my lecturer did made an effort to save me. but then my class mates manage to dodge it! saddly. but kinda thankful i dont have to suffer in my E devices lecture. if not it will be 2 hours of torture man!!

the above is only part one of part one. still got more to come in terms of this man. min joined my classmates and mi to have lunch at the the Applied science block. gosh, so many ppl. they bought mi a full of chololate fugde cake. they are always so sweet to remidn mi of my last changE? mi being 19? it’ll be another 365 days to being 20? no more one in front? ticking forms must tick the box which states 20 and above? thus they stick 1 BIG candles and 9 SMALL candle. sweet huh?

i’m at set to blow my candles off man. i knew i’m in some kind of deep shit. cause those classmates who had already celebrated their bday? oh man, they din have any any good outcome. face would be stained with cake. and i’m 6 sense wasnt wrong.

mi trying to smile? but too dark le. cant see. so try spotting mi then=)

<++ my task, who ever’s bday has to do it la. bite the candle holder out of the cake. and i did, the clever way*ting ting* but then ar, yat claims that everyone wans to see mi get dirty so she doesnt have a choice but to put cream on my face?

and this was wad i got.. cheers man!! woo!!

i managed to clean myself up? but then my white spag? is being FUDGED BY THE CHOCOLATE CAKE!!! argh.. thankfully i brougth extra clothes, if not it’s going to be ugly man.. lol guess wad? present time!! lol.. THANK YOU YAT!!! i heard that she spent 90 mins wrapping my present man! and guess wad? i took 30 mins to unwrap it. lol. but it’s really thoughtful of them lo..

my first msg from my class mates. gosh! all this heart work goes out to my dearest classmates!

still opening and opening.. sigh!

second msg.. and still going on.

3rd msg and going.. . 

oh i decided to give up and stop taking photos! u know, mouth will get tired de wor.. haha.. it’s a winne de pooh de box!! put my jewellerys in it!

[first layer]-a ear studs with rose. and a dangling earing!! my type!!

[second layer]-with hair bands and ring earings

[third layer]- OH MY GOD!!! 3 ADDITION undies for my collection.

first undies i unwrapped! it reads " i feel horny"

it’s the PIG year so they got mi PIG undies.. so cute!!!

RETRO!!!! pokko dots!! wow.. min’s fav sia.

look at the amount of junk WE have made? okie la, i made de alrites? yat must have wasted alot of channel U magazine of even newspapers!! haha.. i washed myself up before leaving the canteen..

isnt that cute? gun gun.. where are u??

he’s wearing a tie!! so cute!!

that’s the end of part one’s part one.. hees!

to be continued..

"happy birthday to me,

happy birthday to me,

happy birthday to me..,

happy birthday to me… "

anyway i really wanna thank my classmates friends and everyone!! lol i really wanna thank you all for the presents(those sweet and thoughtfull ones), cakes(i had 4 already!, getting fat!!) and surprises!! gosh.. trust me, i have many to write but no time. lol. tml got test. wait till weekend then i’ll blog with uploaded photos and videos if possible! lol wait for my updated blog man!!

special thanks to yat and my class mates for the memoriable things u have doen to mi!! to mr chua and mr zul? please beware on your up coming bday. today u made mi into presents? next week will be my turn to turn u into cakes!! lol.. but really thank you very much!! love u guys tons tons man!!

special thanks to min, yi and fer for spending the rest of the evenign with mi! so sweet. thanks yi for the yummy dinner!! and of course the full tub of ((BEN & JERRY"S ICECREAM)) !!!! yes ar! haha.. love u tons tons also.. lol..

that’s all for today.. no time to study le. the rest? wait for weekend yeah? anyway.. i did enjoy myself today very much. from school all the way to outside! trust me!

[ my birthday became different from that day, perhaps now.. i only can feel i'm existing in my birthday, i exist because of your blessing, "happy birthday". ]

31/jan/2007 =)

hmmx.. been a rather long time since i’ve last blog. many things has happened as well.. been to st.james already, met up with friends whom i’ve lost contact.. etc.

ytd, it was so sweet of you guys to even buy a cake yet din eat it with me? funny.. then i have to bring the whole cake home. lol. we played manjong from 9++ all the way till 5++ in the morning till all of us are extremely tired and cant play anymore? gosh, it’s taxing for the mind, body and soul man!

but maybe because i was having much fun? then i had a weird dream? guess wad, i dream of ‘you’. i dreamt that we went out.. we had a rather good time after so much had happen. maybe u din wanna make me feel weird or wad? but i was feeling comfortabe with you. seems werid hor? after so long still dream of such thing. something must be wrong in my head. but i din have any explainations to that either. funniest thing to my dream was that u fulfiled my bday wish like i wished while i blew out those candles ytd. it was that sweet till me blogging it down now. then one bloody idiot called and ruined it all!!! ARGH!! all thanks to that person man. lol. maybe that was god’s gift to me, he heard wad i wished for thus he gave mi this dream!

Let’s rewind and bring ourselves back to 2006 just abit before we start to move on to 2007?

if i were to describe my 2006? i should say it has been full of ups and down. well, i know it’s normal for people to experience that but with out that we humans cant grow. i have done alot of stuffs in this year. too much to be mention maybe? well.. first is that i was still attached last year’s today? but sadly we have broken up couple of months back? din really last long, but people have been telling me that i should let things go instead of staying at the same spot when nothings is going to change no matter how much i do. guess that’s how much i could do either. certain factors or incidents in my life have brought me further away from the things i wanted? they had left me heart broken too. recovering from the pain i once had seems to be a long journey. anyway i wanna say thank you to my ex bf for being part of my life, trust me it was lovely. =) maybe it’s just that hurdle was too high for both of us to past thru, thus we only make it this far. u seems happier now then before, living like u used too. maybe our relationship had tied u down. i’m sorry about everything.

my new classmates in my new poly has been great company also. they have helped me in many ways especially in my studies? thanks alot man. i wont forget the good times we had like the "escape" after our last term break; the chalet during our sem break; the ikea at tampiness also. and our big study group =). thanks guys!!

my dearest sisters, thank you to all of you. you all have been great sisters. well, the best i could find. clubbing, dinning, singing, chit-chatting, shopping..etc, guess we have done it all! this is the thing i guess i most wanted to thank you all for, which is actually being there for mi at the darkest side of my life. seeing me thru all that, saving me against those jerks and too many that i cant mention them all. i wanna say sorry to jia yi in person about that incident which happen on michelle’s bday? hope we are good as new =)

my new friends, some i just manage to know them just in time before 2006 passes by? i wanna say a BIG THANK YOU for being past of my life. well, that is if u are able to read this also, hees.

special thanks to people who have been looking out for me all these time. u know who u are, cant expose too much names around here. it’s a little sensitive. but i can drop hints.

1) [you must not be name] have been taking good care of me. like a little sister? worrying about me going home late and not informing my mom? got it? hees.

2) [you must not be name] have been giving valuable lessons and advise. teaching me General Knowledge(GK). cant catch your words when u talk abit deep? need you to break down to simpler form just for mi to understand better? that’s you for bringing mi to eat porridge in the middle of the night.

3) [you must not be name] has been a good friend. keeping me company. talking mi thru the dark times of mine also. we are kinda sharing the same faith, the lonely ones? but we are all trying to do it okie =) oh, u love to sing. recently, or some how u have been drag into my groups of boys? guess we are all waiting to turn u into a bad boy on the day u turn 18.

4) [you must not be name] tried his best to drag mi out of my house. became a delivery man and the owner of the my first precious moment figures {i’ll never let you down}. but due to recent incidents, we have kinda drifted apart. but we are still doing fine.

the rest would be like huimin, felicia, madeline..etc. without you guys i cant be wad i am now.

sorry to those i’ve hurt unknowingly, or purposely. i’m truly remorse and guilty about it. i know sometimes no matter how much i try to make up to you, it wont help. hope you guys will forgive me. =(

and to those people whom i spend my last few hours of the last day of the year and the first few hours of the first day of the year? i seriously had a wonderful time at sentosa siloso beach foam party! without you guys it wont be anywhere near fun. this year if we are going back there again? we got to be clever abit alright? book a room for the comfort of hot water, aircon and a clean toilet =0 thanks to the knights(i mean the guys who were there) you ppl have done a great job in protecting us girls against those YOU KNOW WHO!! love you people for sharing these memorable memories with me. i’m glad to be part of it.

my new year resolution for 2007?, basically i haven thought of it yet. but once i’m done with it, hope i could blog it down =) oh, i know one of it is to actually get inside into club momo and the clubs in st. james! try my best to visit every clubs in s’pore to ease my curiosity. haha.. i got 360++ days to complete it. wont be too difficult i hope. oh one more thing also. hope i can stay looking young, so i wont look beyond my actually age?  ya.. hees. lol..

sigh, christmas is coming. a season for celebration, giving and loving. well, it’s going to be a rainy one due to the never ending rain and the heavy emotions inside one souls.

mine, some how or another.. din get any where better. sigh right? but, no one would pity my life cause it’s me who’s living or potraying it.. my common test? i know i din do well cause i was too playful? yeah, that’s mi. well, if i should get my retribution, i guess it would have to be the results which is suffering now or sooner.

the rain does indeed dampen ones feeling? well, it does makes its effect on mi man. as the rain falls from the skies, my heart will fall too. impact of certain things does break my heart. come to think about it, i know i shouldnt have but it’s rather impossible for now. why would i feel this way when things have long gone by? i’m all worn out inside.

packed my holidays fully in order not to feel empty in anyway. still not recovered from my sickness. cough is getting in my way from my fun and enjoyment!! got it make it go away man if not the christmas or new year would be ruin further!

Finally, week 5 of my school term, is finally done! wee..! i seriously cant wait for my short yet fun holiday to come which is coming in about less than a month. speaking of which, it also means that my term test is approaching !!! gosh!! it’s less then a month to it man! oh dear, i’m a goner in no time. i have been trying kinda hard to work my work out? but when i do my tests and such? it seems so hard. it’s either i cant do alot of questions or i’m doubtful about all of them. i seems to have much difficulty in making thru week 5. wonder how am i going to survive thru the rest of my poly life. save mi someone!

maybe i have been trying too hard and not succeed in any, thus i felt weird, tired and helpless. maybe that’s why ba.. too much things i shouldn’t poke my nose into, not studying hard enough to make it thru my tests, suppose to let things go which i din really do it, dunno for wad hell reason. conclusion, i aint working hard enough for everything!!!

seriously, i’m really tired about things. especially after this week when i’m ultra tired both mentally and physically. yes, i need plenty of rest. but i know i’ll be having fun instead of resting (so, baohui, [slap yourself] dont tok so much when u arent gonna do it!!). =)

have been kinda worried for my friend? erm, worried about her education, who she is with, so on and so forth? i was shock to receive a call after the clock strike 12? thought wad could be happen to my closed ones when my mom and my maid is at home. so kinda puzzled as well. wad’s more i was half way through my sleep? so i thought everything i heard over the phone was merely a dream? until this morning when i clarify things out? seriously, i was shock, disappointed and kind speechless. i din really know wad else to say but maybe not say anymore. maybe it would be better for all of us.

but as i said, karma Will hit mi one day. so, it hit mi today. phone went flat, forgot to inform my mom. she called my friends asking them to locate mi asap? well, it din succeed until it’s like 8 plus? sorry ppl i got u people so worked up and worried. i’m really sorry about it. it slipped my mind. sorry to exchange my fun for each of u ppl’s concern. din expect things to get out of hand u see? alright, maybe u people dont see but no matter wad, i’m just sorry.

sorry folks..

finally, i can get my peaceful night rest. had been busy with school work lately though. but but but, my busy-ness is due to my lack of time management. so i can only blame myself.

lately have been keeping myself busy till late night.. which caused mi to be really tired. but it din really paid off as i have expected it to be, because i’m feeling down now. my whole world now is in a big mess. there’re many things i wished to do, but they are almost and totally beyond my control. trying to let things go, but somehow i keeps coming back.

i came to realise that somethings are beyond their control, as they cant find enough reasons to convince themself to continuing doing certain things they have promised. maybe they dont wish to get hurt by the same object again thus they came up with such decision.

oh well. think i’ve said enough.. ganbatte baohui! believe in yourself man.

today was a big shopping day for me! yeah man. abit coo koo in the head though, but it doesn’t matter much.

Baohui’s shopping list:

1] a dress from Pull and Bear;

2] a Carolina Herrera, 212 on ice DE perfume;

3] a Guess bag;

the last two items was from the Brands sales at Nee Ann City.

Gosh, it cost a huge bomb man! so i’m broke after being a rich lady for that few hours.

anyway after my shopping, i met up with huimin, jiayi, yuying, felicia and kelly for dinner. we ordered 2 orders of $8 clay pot rice; a $8 stingray; $4 of carrot cake; $6 of fried oysters; $2 of chwee quay; $6 of so tong and not forgetting 6 big cup of sugar cane juice(paid by jia yi though, we love u man!! wooh!). shiok aR! it’s been a long time since i’ve ate like this, like a pig lo. LOL! can see that we 6 girls are BIG BIG eaters la. cant tell right? small size yet enormous eater yeah? this is call ‘cant judge the book by it’s cover’.

after our dinner, yi went back first to grap her things and head home. the rest of us went up to fifth floor to chat; claim and scream like a loan shark at one another. ya, i’ve declared myself penniless in just the matter of one day, gosh i’m suffering from shopperholic! horrible le.. half way thru our talk, my heart, out of a sudden, was beating really quick.  as though i have contracted some sort of weird illines. well, it din stop as at till now [0126].

my pressence at that place was giving mi a very weird feeling. an undescribleable feeling. i had flash back at every angle i looked upon which holds special memories of mine. sigh, good thing about tonight was that i din cry! yeah, i held back my emotions and all the way back home. i chose not to think about those memories which will make mi cry. but my night was indeed long. too long that i will think far from where i am suppose to be.

i’m troubled.. will anyone save mi from this agony? i have no idea how to continue this walking this road. it seems long and i understand all of u will be standing at one side, giving mi all the support i need. but.. wad i need it’s not that visible to a naked eye. but i know i will pull thru all this.

[ ganbatte! ]

it’s been over a month since that heart breaking incident happened. as i looked back, it was indeed a long and tiring journey for everyone. it all started off with excessive thinking, hot temper and lack of understanding. to something worst like lies and trust issues. then i realize wad was keeping each other from taking a step forward, which it’s our own personal problem. no one but us is able to help in this. it’s kinda sad that eventually it’s our self who is blocking our own path. as least this is wad i think it is for me.

as for the other party, maybe that person just want to go on with their live, and not let anything interfere with wad they are doing now. maybe this is the love that person could give best.

well, it isn’t easy for mi to walk till this far without any help from my sisters, friends and him. True, no one said it was easy, neither did they say it was extremely difficult. to make a pain not painful, i guess that answer would be time. guess no matter how hard i try, there’ll be still an ugly scar, waiting for a scar remover cream to appear. 

The path, which I’ve walked across? It’s dark, difficult, painful and horrible. Yes, never imagine I had to walk this path again. Yes, little did I expect things to be the way they are now. Or maybe I did, but din expect it to be this fast. Many things happen during these time, i have unknowningly become another person, a person whom even i dont recognize. and also looking extremely tired when i’m not. making people who cares about me worry all the time. i’m sorry to those people, i really din mean it de.

The chance was the only thing I was looking forward to all this while and nothing else. But everything I’ve hoped and wished for, crashed yesterday over a msg. Just those simple few words had left me crying for quite a while. I was thankful for my 2 friends yesterday, if it wasn’t for these 2 friends? I don’t know wad I would do. So, I would like to say a big THANK YOU to the both of u!! ( u know who u are la, so don’t have to name u two, right? ).

As I told many friends, I really want to find back the girl who lived in 2002 and before. Maybe that girl would be more lively, cheerful, looking more on to the bright side of live and not being so emo all the time. My friends who have been thru with mi all these times, would understand this best. Haven been myself lately. i’m sorry to u people.

that msg i’ve received last night have trashed all my existing hopes. well, maybe not all, but at least 98% of them. holding on to them will only bring pain to the both of us and nothing else. so i’ve decided to let time heal this deep cut of mine. let time determine everything ba.. no matter wad, i’m sorry.

For the past few days.. this harsh world has abandon me in a strange lonely world. this lonely world has no one, maybe just no one to hear me out. i’m so bottled up lately with many things. cant find the right listening ears to hear everything.

to mi, my correct listening ears is somewad busy ba. no time to hear me out. or it’s just mi, to be stupid enough to give up that chance in the morning when we finally talk? i’m trying my best to adapt with the current lifestyle.

my current one is so different from the past. and if i dont adapt well enough, i’ll lose my ears for sure. i tried not too sticky for a day, i failed. i missed my ears totally. i tried not to read things too much as many people told me, but it’s impossible. i cant think just once and let it go. it always come back to me.

just take this morning [21-9] as an example, i had 3 pretty bad dreams of some wad the same genre, in just one morning! i was so scared till i dont dare to sleep again. then i start ponder about things, if those dreams were real.. hmmx.. i had sleepless night since monday. so if i continue the counting, it’ll be 4 sleepless night le. i just wish i could have sleeping pills and just bloody hell put i to sleep, better still, dont wake up! damn, super tired yet cannot sleep.. wad theory is that?

too many things happened to me in just a short time, maybe i cant cope ba. tried crying underneath my blankets and pillows, banging my hands againest the walls, forcing myself to feel the physical pain instead of the emotional one. at least it wont make mi have sleepless night.

i tried not to read things a little too deep. but my dreams always proves mi otherwise. then it makes mi ponder again. if all along wad i’ve thought is totally wrong. think i’m suffering from some mental illness or wad. wad this mental illness is trying to doing, it’s killing me for sure. making the people around me, suffer as well. wad the hell!!

wad can i do now? not to lose my ears, my close ones, my friends? maybe letting them remember the good side of me and not the bad one.. and then slowly disapper.. maybe they wont even realise i’m not there anymore. then they will be even more happy with life. finding someone who can they truely bring them happiness. maybe i’m just not the cup of tea for u all ba.. sorry folks! maybe it’s time to just let mi go.. u all will be even happier..